Kara is my journal of 14 years, named after the heroine of Scott O' Dell's book, the Island of the Blue Dolphins. In 1998, parts of my journal were published in my first book, Kara: Letters and Stories. In 2003, Kara, which also means face in Filipino was published online here.The journal, like my life, is undergoing change. This is only a continuum.
Text and photos by Shelley Jo Rojas Saracin, unless otherwise specified.
The reader may lift poems, essays, or quotes (in part on whole) from this journal for personal use,
provided that he or she give due credit to the author whenever and wherever said text may be used.
My only fitness goal for 2010 is to be able to advance into the 15k distance, and maybe, maybe, just maybe, run a half marathon in the near future. This, of course, would entail continuous training like I would before my 10k runs, and additional endurance training to be able to run that long.
A few days ago, while doing some Christmas shopping on behalf of my little brother, I chanced upon some cool, lightweight running shoes on sale. I do need a new pair in the next six months or so (although I HAD TO restrain myself.) Especially if my goal is to run a longer distance. A new running skort that matches that new shoe wouldn't be so bad either. Heehee!
Having said that, here are some of the races I'm looking into joining in the coming year :
PSE Bull Run 2010: Takbo Para Sa Ekonomiya
January 17, 2010
Fort Bonifacio, Global City, Taguig
The roads were slick with Heaven's kisses, dewdrops that steadily dropped from heaven and grazed the faces of those whom the Lord loves, me among them. Yet somehow, I felt that those kisses were for me, and only for me.
I felt as if at every step, the Lord was telling me, "Your body is beautiful, and I glory in how you use it."
For the most part, running is still a sport for men, and yet there I was, once again striding, shaking my thunder thighs in a sea of masculinity. Yes, there were many women in all shapes and sizes, some in their flirty running skorts, some in regulation race singlet, some running alone, others running in tandem with a man. Yet, it was still generally a sea of men, burly men, hunky men, fast-running men, large men…. More often than not, I found myself alone in the midst of them. Running. Sweating. Passing some. Huffing alongside another.
But why was it that I didn't feel threatened, or odd, or alone, running as I did today?
Maybe because I was acutely aware that I was infinitely loved. This run, more than any other race I have joined so far was the best, not because it marked my personal record, and not because the route was an amalgamation of most other race routes I have run before, but because during most of the race, I was acutely aware that God was watching me and was happy that I was running.
All those tiny droplets of rain were for me, kisses of encouragement, and many times, all I wanted to do was to raise my arms in pure worship and abandon to the God who owned my body, my hippo hips and thunder thighs, and how wonderful it was that I could offer it up to Him before anyone else.
Amidst fellow runners, I felt that God was speaking to me. Every time I run, I feel closest to God because this is when I can actually focus, as I am not one of those who can pray sitting down. God knows this. He understands that I know Him best through the sunlight filtered in the trees, through the falling leaves, and through the wind wheezing past my ears as I run.
Eight kilometers into the race, the drizzling, God’s tender kisses, stopped, and I felt slightly disappointed, feeling like my Lover had stopped watching me race, yet I felt it was also time to shift my focus back on improving my race time, with two kilometers to go.
As I focused my energies on picking up speed, I smiled. Really smiled. Running is truly my form of worship, my offering to God. And this, my last race for 2009, is my gift to Him. My body, my breath, my worship.
And this He affirms by showering me with more of His tender heavenly kisses as I happily crossed the finish line. Yes, I love you, too, dear Lord. :) I love You.
29. Having loved and lost. Loving someone has got to be the sweetest thing on earth next to being loved.
28. My career. I can finally say that, yes, I'm doing all of the things that I have always wanted to do, whether or not I was aware of it: write, teach, edit, train.
27. Having found a sport I love: running.
26. Being able to practice smiling any time just 'coz I want to.
25. Getting that tiny 'kilig' whenever i notice that (younger) men are actually attracted to the slightly-more-mature me.
24. Fitting into that cute polka-dotted graphic dress. I so want to wear it for Christmas.
23. Understanding that service and ministry neither begins nor ends within the walls of a church. The Lord has opened gateways!
22. Hearing my baby brother say that as soon as he graduates and gets a job, he will finance my MA and allowances.
21. My mom celebrating her birthday tomorrow. 54 years of God's faithfulness.
20. My lola still being alive at 83.
19. Being aware just how much the Lord loves me, regardless of accomplishments or lack thereof.
18. My 1:12 10k PR.
17. Being open to LOVE once again.
16. Having friends who enrich my life in more ways than one.
15. Replacing forgiveness with honest recollections of happy times. Yes, you know who you are, and I thank you for that "'lil bit" of sunshine.
14. Seeing how far I've come from five years ago. I "danced!"
13. Being able to balance work, school, friends, family, and fitness quite well.
12. Looking forward towards my 30th year.
11. Hearing how my teaching has helped my students Sophie and Sabby, excel.
10. Extra cashflow (it's raket science!) that allows me to treat myself to goodies and serve more people.
9. Mentors who truly care to spend time coaching me.
8. My Dad, who loves me very much.
7. Strong hips, legs, and thunder thighs which I was never really thankful for, until now.
(amended on Nov 20, 2009 10:04pm and Dec 03, 2009 08:10pm)
And then I realized that I have more than 29 things to be thankful for and that the Lord has just shown me much favor that there doesn't seem to be room enough for it. I am thankful for my AdEPT certification (hmmm...it's either a blessing or a curse, and I choose to see this as a blessing =) which I got today (thank you, Neo and Jane), and my participation in Scripture Union's notewriting workshop which will prepare me for publication (hopefully) in the 2011 edition.
Lord you truly are good. Your mercy indeed endures forever....
(my first attempt at an actual devotional note, 21 November 2009 Samaritana Retreat House; writeshop courtesy of Scripture Union)
READ: John 21:4-13
BIBLE PASSAGE: (v.6) And he said unto them, "Cast the net on the right side of the boat, and ye shall find. They cast therefore, and now they were not able to draw it for the multitude of fishes."
EXPLORE: We all have grand plans, specific goals that we have set for ourselves: "I will own a car in 5 years. My company will expand in three years. I will get myself a new Apple iPhone. I will get married before I'm 30. I will land that high-paying job overseas." We all know what we want and how to get it. Or at least we think we do.
It simply is frustrating when, like Simon Peter and the rest of Jesus' disciples, after a whole night's work, they yielded NOTHING. (v. 3) Wouldn't you feel more exhausted than ever, ready to give up and throw in the towel?
It is during these NOTHING moments that Jesus sometimes reveals Himself to us. In the dark haze, when we're down and just about to retire, just when we're not-quite-sure it is Him from afar, He calls us and gives us instructions.
But how do we recognize His voice? How do we know it is Him, and how do we know that His instructions will work?
When we faithfully listen and respond to Jesus instructions, our work, our plans, our goals are sure to yield much. But it doesn't end there. Knowing just how burdened our spirit had been from our previous efforts that yielded nothing, Christ, in His mercy prepares restoration for us just as he prepared a warm fire and a freshly-cooked meal for his weary fishermen.
RESPOND: Lord, help me to listen to Your instructions so that I may not labor and yield NOTHING. Instead, allow me to work for Your glory, that I may yield much, and thereafter, be restored.
