 (photo taken Dec 25, 2007. It is a collection of material things that inspire me: Stairway to Success, a book that has helped me achieve in the midst of a terrible depression; Fruitflesh, a collection of inspiration for women writers; my new Tangerine metal Bible; my new purple and blue journal; and a dolphin bookmarker, a gift from friends.)
Dear Kara,
It has been a while since I last checked my Starbucks Planner (I'm now using a much lighter notepad for my planning fetish), and when I checked it a few minutes ago, I was gleefully surprised to find that out of my four (4) faith goals for the year, the Lord has generously blessed me with three of them way before the year has ended.
I will be celebrating my 27th year in a few days, and I am jyoful at the thought, that these handful of goals that I have been praying for and working towards since January (2007) have been fulfilled, with a little help from friends, and the Lord's Divine grace.
My first faith goal is rather personal; a committment between me and my Father: I only wished to become the best worshipper I can be. I thought of this faith goal, because back when I was still working directly under dear Daddy CQ, he would always remind me how other people, non-Believers of Christ at that, can worship, truly worship gods of their own. He used to tell us that people in Tibet would travel days kneeling and bowing the entire trip, only to visit the shrine of the Dalai Lama (if my memory serves me right). With this in mind, I had resolved to ask the Lord to allow my inhibited Church-background to be released, that i may worship Him freely, truly, joyfully, and wonderfully everywhere I am, in any way I can think of.
I am joyful, because during the many months I would keep this in mind, I would always feel a deep sense of freedom at praising the God who made me, who saved me, and who sustains me day by day; the same God who knows how many hairs are left on my thinning head, the same God who knows the desires of my once-lonesome heart, the same God who knows how life has changed for our family, and the same God who loves me no matter who I am and what I do.
My second faith goal has been a lifelong desire: to enroll in graduate school. Ever since graduation from college five years ago, my plan was to enrol in gradute school and earn an MA degree. Many times this year, I had thought that maybe, like the years before, it still wasn't time for me to enroll, that maybe, the Lord wouldn't fulfill His promise to me just yet, or that maybe, I had heard Him wrong. Many times this year, I had feared that because so many things and people seemed to be against my going back to school, enrolment wouldn't happen. There were finances to think about, schedules at work, daily allowances for student requirements, and of course, my mental, and emotional state. But lo and behold, the Lord has prepared so many things that have eventually allowed me to happily go back to school. He opened doors that I may find work that would adjust with my student schedule; he touched hearts and had my Lola subsidize part of my initial tuition. My schedule has worked out fine; I am now a graduate student of MA English in UP. And now, I am working enough to pay for more than a student's daily allowance, and doing freelance jobs to still be able to help out with finances at home.
My third faith goal was fulfilled with Hope. Not the generic kind, but the Hope that is my ate and friend. It was a funny fulfilment, actually, because I had planned on overlooking her email about freelance writers, and then weeks after she sent me the email, I finally found time to open it and send a rather rushed email of my prepared resume. Well, eventually, I passed the "writing exam", and I have now written and published PEP three articles to date. (I was only praying for at least two.) I have also already met my editor, Jocelyn, and I was able to invite mom to join me in one of the screenings I had to go to. This is the dream I had once envisioned, and I am grateful that the Lord has opened this door for me.
The fourth and final faith Goal is something I have been re-thinking these past few weeks. Ever since gaduate school enrollment, freelance work, responsibilities at home, ministry, and teaching activities had begun to fill-in my schedule, I have been wondering about my eventually getting married. Yes, my wish, a faith goal, is to settle down with the man I love. But in the midst of all these ongoing activities and developments in my life and career, I wonder how settling down will all fit in. I suppose a greater prayer now would be that the Lord would allow me to meet a man whose goals are aligned with His goals for me. God is hard at work in finally laying down the foundations for a bigger plan I know He has in mind, and somehow I sense that all these "minor" faith goals I had prayed for, these goals that He has fulfilled, and only part and parcel of who He wants me to be. whether or not getting married aligns with that, maybe I'll find out soon.
(Advanced Happy Birthday to you, Kara.)Labels: essays, God, me, musings, teaching, UP, writing |
