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| LETTERS TO KARA |
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Who is Kara?
Kara is my journal of 14 years, named after the heroine of Scott O' Dell's book, the Island of the Blue Dolphins. In 1998, parts of my journal were published in my first book, Kara: Letters and Stories. Four years ago, Kara, which also means face in Filipino was published online here.The journal, like my life, is undergoing change. This is only a continuum. |
| Just Yesterday |
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| Long Long Ago |
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| Inspiration |
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| Desperation |
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| Kindred Spirits |
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| Gratitude |
Blogspot Template
Text and photos by Shelley Jo Rojas Saracin, unless otherwise specified.
The reader may lift poems, essays, or quotes (in part on whole) from this journal for personal use,
provided that he or she give due credit to the author whenever and wherever said text may be used. |
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| 21 June 2009 |
| Daddy |
Psychologists say that a woman’s identity is rooted on her relationship with the first man in her life: her father. Even her future relationships with other male figures carry with them this relational seed.
I have long been aware of this, and now I choose to write my thoughts down, to let my father, my Daddy know, that he does the Lord proud, because all Fathers carry the capacity to mirror in themselves Christ’s most-amazing love, and because he has exhausted this capacity by being the closest earthly representation of Christ in my life.
Dearest Daddy,
I want to thank you for telling me how beautiful I am. For telling me that I can be so much more, and that I can accomplish greater things.
Thank you for embracing me, and for loving me, and for providing a home so secure that it has grounded my sense of self, my worth, and my significance.
Thank you that I know you will love me in spite of my capricious nature and my stubborn will.
Thank you that you have made me feel that I am truly a woman, and that I belong.
I love you.
I am certain that these words will be echoed by all those who have felt, not only their earthly father’s love, but also those who have truly experienced God as Abba Father. And if, as heirs waiting upon a heavenly realm we are able to feel this way, how much more shall we rejoice when we meet Abba face to face. We can only imagine…
(Edited from a 2005 journal entry from Letters to Kara.) Welcoming Year 2009 with Dad in our Mad Hatter Attire. Labels: dad, family, God, love, me |
posted by shing @ 12:03 PM  |
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| 13 June 2009 |
| Counting Blessings |
Yesterday was the Philippines' 111th Year of Independence.Yesterday marked the day of my 2nd Year Anniversarry of teaching. Yesterday was June 12, 2009.
Today, as I went for another training run, I looked back on the first half of 2009 and began ticking of blessings, blessings that I had continuously asked for either knowingly, because I wanted them and had prayed for them for sooo long, or unknowingly, because the Lord had anticipated my need.
I praise God for the many wonderful things He has showered me with in 2009, knowing how much I had prayed for a breakthrough, for all things new, for beginnings, for growth, after much-too-long-struggles in more than one area of my life.
Since I had forced myself to take a leave from school in the second semester of AY 2008-2009, I made sure that I would attend some kind of organized learning that would continue to supplement alll the teaching that I was doing. So I saved up and attended the 1st Philippine International English Language Conference at the SMX Convention Center.
It was both a broadening and exciting experience, since not only did I realize how important my chosen career path is, but i also met most of my teachers in UP :) This event also opened up the opportunity to conduct an echo lecture-seminar to older and much more experienced faculty in UMak during our English Week.
It was early this year that my prayer of finding a new cell/growth group that I would be able to come home to finally materialized. It had been a while since I had last gone to a Bible study-cell group, and because of so many changes in school and at work, I would either feel too tired, or the available schedules would just be in the way. However, after a few months of attending GCF Makati services and being mentored both by Hopie and Ptr. Norbert, we were finally able to launch our Growth Group.
From our meager beginnings with only four members (the three being Hopie, PNorb, and I), our group has now grown to the point wherein we will have to be forced to split. Still, I am amazed at how the Lord has paved the way for me to find my place again, at least in the realm of a church family.
Near the end of March, as I was still part-time English Instructor in Assumption at the time, my co-teacher David introduced me to running, not as a form of exercise, but as a sport. I am still not a pro or elite runner, but to date, I have already finished two 5k races, and one 10k races, not including the training runs I do in preparation for each race. I have never been so active in my life as I am now.
I truly enjoy running, maybe because when I run, it makes me feel as if my body, at least my physical body, is truly alive. I enjoy the feeling of knowing that my muscles, my breathing, and my spirit are all in a state of struggle during the run. Each step, each movement is a struggle, and each step taken is also part of the win. It is exhilirating to know that my body, which has undergone such moments of sedentary life, is actually capable of such action.
This summer 2009 is also the best summer that I can ever remember. I know that on my own, I had already mapped out a very detailed and very structured summer schedule for the acheiver in me. It would have been my very cerebral summer of finishing another 9 units of my MA in English...but once again, the Lord had other plans. I think He knew how much my family and I needed a break.
Aside from my many other pre-summer break summer excursions to Pagsanjan (shooting the rapids), Liliw (shoe shopping and church-hopping), Paete (woodcarver watcching), and Puerto Galera (beachcombing), I was able to visit a host of islands in the Philippines when my family and I went on an 8-day cruise.
I was truly my dream vacation! Eight days of sumer sun, sand, and frolic, and it couldn't get any better than this: Marinduque for the Moriones Festival, two days of beachcoming in the island of Boracay, three days in otherworldy Coron and the Calamianes islands, one day in Lubang Mindoro, and finally, to Corregidor and back to Manila.
Truly, I could not have imagined a better vacation more suited to the entire family. We all had a blast, and we call came home awed and thankful at what the Lord had just laid on our feet.
Back in Manila, although I was still getting my summer salary as a full-time instructor, it was inevitable to think about expenses once again as we had spent quite a bit dduring the cruise.
God had the perfect answer. Upon my return, a Korean student, Dahee, whose mom had interviewed me several weeks earlier called and asked to arrange a series of tutorials. I was thankful, as it not only gave me time to work on something; it also gave me additional income for the rest of my summer vacation.
I knew that I had to recover some cash, as the long-planned-for secret 30th Anniversary Wedding of our parents was due in a few weeks. There was a lot to do.
Needless to say, on the said date, May 31, everything worked out perfectly. Our dear friends and family memebers helped us all pull off a wonderful, wonderful surprise. I know that our parents' 30th wedding Anniversarry is something that will last us the rest of our lifetimes, not only because it is our family's legacy, but also because the memory was a collaborative effort of all those whom we loved and who loved us most.
Not long after Dad and Mom's 30th Anniversarry, I also had another article published. Although I have been published quite a number of times already, I can never get over squealing in delight whenever I see my name, my byline either on print, or online. It is like getting ice cream and fizz wizz lollipops on a clear summer day.
This year, I am also thankful for the many, many new friendships I have forged, rekindled, and nourished. I met with Von, Ate Grace, Nikki, and Ate Alma, among others.
I have been an active memeber of the professionals ministry of IVCF for a number of years now. There has been a constant struggle in IVPM Makati for the past few years, but this summer, we all went for a reunion for revival. I have been re-elected as an officer once again, and we, the Core look forward to acheiving new heights of relational discipleship and growth in the fellowship.
Thrice, this summer, I have spent evening until early in the morning bonding with high school classmates. It has been ten years since we had last seen each other, and it was slightly terrifying, meeting them all again, changes, no changes, and all. Yet in the end, meeting them was a pleasant discovery of differences and sameness, and the opportunity to recall the fragility of our youth.
I am also thankful to Hopie for new friendships, because she invited my family and I to GCF Makati, and I have been blessed by my friendships there. I am thankful for Hopie because I am aware that she spends a great amount of time in nourishing her friendship with me. I am also thankful because I have an ate, an older sister I can talk to, I can bug, when I'm not able to make wise, rational decisions in the snap of a finger. I'm also thankful to my new (and very young) pastor (PNorb) and his wife (Carol). There are many things I have yet to share with them, but I am just thankful for the affinity that I feel...being the eldest in the family, I am always thankful for friends who are older and wiser than I am.
Indeed, 2009 has been a MOST WONDERFUL SUMMER. I am now enrolled in UP, after a bit of processing for readmission. By next semester, I hope to increase my load of subjects, and get a few higher courses. Next week, I will find myself teaching in classrooms once again and I look forward to this new semester.
I know that still, my heart is searching for something; it has grieved and has undergone a splicing from a scalpel. Yet I know that many new things will still come. The first half of 2009 is only the beginning.
"And ye shall seek me and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13) And you know my heart Lord...I need not say anything else, because You, above all, know my heart.Labels: fitness, God, links, love, me, musings, published, teaching, UP, women, writing |
| posted by shing @ 11:50 PM |
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